Taking moments to be Still

I have so many thoughts I've been wanting to explore the last couple of weeks and yet I have been spending my time drinking up these fabulous summer evenings before they escape me. Often I revel in the moment just after jumping into bed when I can hear the water running in the brook outside my window and the crickets in the grass down below while tasting that dark deep green cool air that lurks in the shadow of a late summer night. Those are the moments when I reflect on my life and why it is that everything is just right or sometimes why I feel it is not all it could be. Either way, I think reflection is good and I'm grateful for quiet moments like that where I can just be.

This summer marks the 4th year and 6 month that I have struggled with multiple chemical sensitivities. It has been a frustrating 4 years in many ways. Kind of like a 4.5 year sinus infection that never goes away. Mostly annoying but sometimes really hard too. Sometimes it is hard for me to feel hopeful about my future because I feel like my health holds me back. Over the last couple of weeks I've decided that this blog is all about hope despite the things in my life that are frustrating and so I'd like to focus on that a little more often.

Last week I had a really sweet moment with my little brother. It came on a night when things were feeling a little bit bleak. In a tender, private moment he reminded me that there is a purpose in all things and that even though I feel like this trial is holding me back in many ways it is actually helping me to move forward. I thought about that a lot that night and as I was contemplating drifting off to sleep, trying to decide if I really believed that or not, I penned these words:

Sometimes those things that seem to be setting me back are actually moving me forward like:

-Helping me to "see" others, understand the things they suffer, and to love them more deeply

-To slow down and notice new things about the day

-To be happy and grateful for little joys and small triumphs


And perhaps most importantly for me right now...


To see and accept beauty in imperfection.

I am a work in progress. I think I will be for a long time. And though I don't always appreciate this journey I am on I do feel grateful for the lessons it is writing on my heart. Perhaps that is part of what being still is all about.