Capture it, Remember it

Last weekend I went on one of those trips that you just wish you could bottle up and open on a bad day now and again. It was pure happiness, totally spontaneous, and a completely refreshing get away from the daily grind. I spent the weekend soaking up some sunshine, with good company, while climbing rocks. How can life get better than that?

Rock climbing has been a favorite past time of mine for the last 8 years. I can still remember the first time I went climbing as a teenager in the City of Rocks in Idaho. I nervously watched every move of the climbers before me. Trying to memorize their foot placement and beta so that I wouldn't look so awkward on the rock when it was my turn. When I finally got tied into the rope I think I prayed every few seconds "Please don't let me die, Please don't let me die..."

I never would have guessed that that experience would eventually lead me to be standing on top of a 100 foot rock tower in the middle of the desert. But there I was Saturday night. Basking in a certain satisfaction that is hard to describe except that it felt like I did something hard and because of that today means something.

Since that first trip to Idaho I have been able to look out over many a sunset while dangling from the edge of a tall cliff. I'll be honest though, even with experience and time I still sometimes battle the same fears. Thoughts like "Did I tie in correctly? Is my gear still safe? Is my belayer paying attention?" still roll through my head at the most inopportune moments. Last Saturday it just so seized me when I was merely 15 feet off the ground.

It started raining and the wind started blowing like crazy. I couldn't see or hear my belayer. I was stuck in a spot that I couldn't figure out how to get out of and to make matters worse when I shot a quick glance back over my shoulder I discovered I was the current roadside attraction for the tourists driving through Arches National Park. Lovely, everyone watching me through binoculars when I'm struggling through a rough spot. Don't we all LOVE having our weak moments magnified? I wanted to give up, and for a few minutes I think I did. Good thing the wind kept me from communicating with my belayer.

Finally the rain let up and I got a hold of my mental game. Anytime I am in a spot that starts to feel impossible I try to tell myself, "OK, if you can just get your feet up another 2" you might find something else to hang onto." It took me half a bucket of tries but I finally made it past that spot. I remember thinking, "FINALLY!!! The rest should be easy..." only to repeat the same awkward grappling with the rock 3 more times. It was frustrating to say the least, especially when I used to be able to climb at a much higher level. But I was so glad I didn't let my pride keep me from making my way to the top.

What a spectacular view it was! After gawking at our surroundings and admiring the sunset we rappelled down into the twilight and smiled back at this Desert Tower called Owl Rock. Later that night as I drifted off to sleep under a canopy of desert stars I was fully aware of the hard desert ground my hips were digging into but I was completely satisfied, and happiness was wearing in every wrinkle on my dirty face. I can't think of a better way to end the day.